A beautiful shame

I wish life was like the movies,

you live one story at a time and then it ends.
The credits roll, we assume it’s a happening.
Names move slowly down on the screen:
it’s the names of all the people who entered your sphere of being.
Some briefly, some you hardly even noticed.
And you realize you have forgotten so many names.
But you’ll never forget the stars, your life is nothing without any of them.
There’s darkness eventually but you’re still alive.
In movies nobody really dies, their story just ends.
No need to worry about them anymore, they made it.
In the darkness they bath in the light,
in the void they found all meaning.
Instead the credits never roll and most of us never really come to understand our story, if there even is one.
No matter the horrors on screen, it can never match real life.
No matter how terrifying the monster, it doesn’t compare to the despair some of us have encountered.
Being lost in such a lonely world, realizing that your dream were too big for this world or that the person you love is not able to love you back.
There’s a message at the end of each movie,
but even if make one up at the end of your life,
there’s a painful voice in your mind that wonders whether or not you’re just fooling yourself- ”there’s nothing out there and none of this really means anything.”
The sciences of the world will only reveal the obvious;
from the study of biological lifeforms, the evolution of our species, the bumbling of atoms, the infinite void of space.
There’s no warmth at the end of it all, there is no deity that will comfort you in the new world.
This is all there is.

Your existence won’t end on a beautiful emotional epiphany,

it just ends like it does to each creature on this planet.
And I know what you’re thinking: ”it seems such a shame,
It seems such a beautiful shame…”

because when you see all those names
and you remember their faces
and you rewind it to the moment when you fell in love,

when you’re in awe of the world around you,
when you found purpose,
when you realized what you wanted to do,
when the one you love says ”I love you too…”

It seems like it was meant to go on forever.


***

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