The Guys

”There’s as much madness now as there was back then. I just don’t understand the madness now. I’m not part of it anymore. I don’t have children to connect me to these modern times. Any step I take into trying to comprehend this world is makes me feel alone. I want to see more of the world but I’m afraid it’s just going to make me more lonely. This is I like it here. It’s not the surroundings, this place looks so much different now than it used to, I barely recognize it. It’s the fact that you guys came from my world. You spoke my language. We shared the same villains. Now the people we admire have become villains, the villains of our time are forgotten. This is all I have guys. The only place I feel comfortable with. I don’t want any of you to leave me…”

Picture taken somewhere in Veendam, Holland



Lunch on Saturday

”Look I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know where I’m supposed to go. I haven’t known these things for so many years, I can’t even count them anymore. It used to be simple, everything seemed so simple. But that was never meant to last…
Sometimes I wonder if we were ever supposed to get this old. All we are doing is passing time. That’s it. I don’t care where we eat. You decide.”

Picture taken in Groningen, Holland.


Somewhere Else

I’m not really here. All I want to be is to be present, right here, with you. But I can’t. I tried. I just keep going back. Every time I think I’m on my way back, I realize I haven’t moved an inch. At times It’s worse when I’m with other people. They tried to make me feel like I’m part of them and I pretend I am, but I quickly realize this is impossible. The people are here. They flutter now and then but most of them stay where they need to be. They stay in this world. I’m trapped in my own world, I created it without my blessing. I just wish I could be here. I wish I could feel like I should, like you deserve. I wish I could experience joy without this nagging feeling that things are not alright. This consciousness knowledge that the moment is lost. You can never experience it fully. Things are not alright and they will never be alright. It happens to people sometimes. Along the way something happens to them or they make a mistake and it damages them for life. Sometimes they just happen to be born with it. This alienation was always there, it just needed time to grow….
 I just wish I was more like you. The things I could do if I was more like you. Maybe someday you’ll teach me. Maybe someday you’ll make me dream it’s possible. The people can escape hell when they fool themselves its possible. I like that idea. I like that idea a lot.”

Photograph taken in Katowice, Poland.