Elegy for an OCD-Patient

There’s salvation inside…
Until I figure out the plot, until I smooth out everything in the past, I can’t relax.
You never know what will be your undoing.
If you fix this now, you’ll be set. You can enjoy the moment. You can enjoy falling in love. There’s no need to worry about whether you even deserve her. You got to keep telling her the truth. But what if you’re lying to yourself? What if you are hiding something inside your mind? Figure it out. Figure it out before it comes to you and destroys everything…

But there’s something wrong in there…. Every time I go in I keep going to the same place. I rearrange, I clean up, but the stain just keeps getting bigger.
I pretend I don’t care but it’s not true. This feeling won’t go away that something is deeply wrong. This feeling taints everything. Whatever you do, you know something is not right. No matter who you are with, you know this person can’t accept you because you must have done something so horrible.

It’s a disease! It’s a parasite! Don’t listen to it!
You need to pay, but you can’t figure out what. Something isn’t right. You need to go and find out what it is. You keep going to the same place. MAKE IT STOP. There’s salvation inside. You just have to delve deep enough. PLEASE. Until I figure out the plot, until I smooth out everything in the past, I can’t relax. You never know what will be your undoing…

Picture taken somewhere in Holland. 



Our Disease 20

Kill the Bug

It was a beautiful dream. It was a dream full of angels. He had a sudden mission in life: to return to the world and save mankind from the bugs eating their brain. If he did this, they would come for him. He would be allowed to live among them, in the place that followed the promises of his country, promises he had heard about since he was a child at school. Promises that were broken again and again.
There was a preacher, an old friend who he could never say goodbye to, his mother, the lover that would one day find him, there was the demon that turned out to be an angel. There was no fear, we conquered it. We were ourselves, we were free to explore our eccentricities, it would be explored on paper. So many people were lost in the old world, now we found each other and made sure nobody got lost. Everyone was welcome, the tired as well as the poor. If we could only see ourselves for who we are, if we weren’t so afraid, this world could be ours.
He had asked the angels what he was supposed to do.
They told him to watch for the sign, you would understand then. Everything would be clear.
But you must go all the way, it’s the only way to escape this world. The only way to escape this prison.
Reality is the dream, all you have to do is wake up and pull the trigger.
Znalezione obrazy dla zapytania david lynch i fight with myself
Art by David Lynch